Eventful Wedding...to say the least

Yesterday my cousin got married, and guess who got to watch these two little girls in the picture above? You guessed it, the unendowed one! These are my cousin's two daughters, and they are way cute. The younger of the two walked up to me and came into my arms without any coaxing involved (this was a shock because I've only seen her a few times in her whole life). They were both very quiet, well-mannered girls yet they still taught me what mothers go through all day. I can't imagine what a "terror-child" would be like for me if these two were giving me heart burn enough...I'd be self-medicating that's for sure! I was in charge of getting their hair done as well (try getting an elastic in when they are constantly moving!), and after I put all this time and effort into making them so cute (I'm kind of a perfectionist- I can't help it), they rolled on the couches in the waiting room and messed it all up leaving all sorts of static going on. I've never seen children eat gold fish and graham crackers as fast as they did either, you would have thought they had been starved for weeks. I've never been so grateful for books either (and those of you who know me, you know reading isn't the first thing I would choose to do in my spare time! Thank you Dr. Seuss!) Needless to say, I was again reminded of the work mothers put forth for their children and had a renewed respect for them all.

Anyway, there was huge FLOODING going on in the temple as well. We first got there and the floors were soaked with a good inch of water, and more streaming down. It was on the second floor and gushing down below. When maintenance opened one door it looked like a waterfall streaming down the class windows. I felt so bad, but they were doing a good job at keeping it localized. But as I was sitting on a bench with the girls (who had covered their head's because they thought it was "raining inside" when it started dripping through the ceiling as well) I turned my head to see...ELDER HOLLAND!!!He was about 8 feet away from where we were sitting, the closest I've ever been. Not that I have favorites, but I always look forward to his talks at Conference and am never disappointed. He was talking with a few men and kept a smile on his face the whole time. He just beamed even though there was a crisis with all sorts of noise from vacuums and all sorts of other commotion...man, what would it be like to be such a perfect example all the time? Needless to say it was quite an eventful morning!

Best Christmas Gift Ever

I'm sure you are deep in suspense as to what I got for Christmas with a title like that. However, I'm gong ot spare you the "show and tell" list of gifts I received because quite frankly I'm sure you don't care and I don't feel the need. I had a great Christmas and got gifts that were pleasant surprises, but the best gift was getting to talk to my brother, Steve. He is currently serving in Des Moines, Iowa and has been gone for 6 months. Everyone has been saying how fast it has gone by, but that couldn't be further from the truth for me! So if you were wondering who that flippin' cute little boy is to the right, that was my brother about 14 years ago. About his head shot picture- he randomly wrapped rubber bands around his ears one night and that was the result.

If you have scrolled down through the pictures already, by now you can probably tell that he has a great sense of humor. He is by far one of the funniest guys I know. I'm not just saying that because he is my brother, those that do know him say the same thing. A boring setting can easily become humorous and full of laughter when Steve walks in. He is also very shy so only a few select people are priviledged enough to experience the true Steve, which is unfortunate. I'm hoping that serving and being forced to talk, more people will finally get to know him. (This scout picture was taken because my mom never got around to getting one when he got his Eagle, so this is the pose he chose...we had some good laughs)

The second half of this year has brought all sorts of new changes in my life (too many if you ask me!). This has required a lot of adjusting, and I am still trying to learn how to adjust to many of these changes, which still isn't easy for me. Steve leaving has been one of the harder adjustments. We have had a connection and bond between us since he was born that my other siblings don't share, so not having him around leaves me feeling kind of empty and isolated at home sometimes. He isn't here anymore to make my day, jog with, vent to, or help joke about my struggles to make them feel lighter. I serioulsy could have used him a lot these past 6 months, that's for sure.

I know this is starting to sound like some kind of Eulogy for him, but I think people (and my posterity) should know how amazing I think he is. He is so patient and kind to everyone. There isn't a mean bone in his body (unless shooting paint balls or throwing snowballs at deer is considered mean). He is so smart and has a memory like you couldn't believe, yet he is so so humble. He is a great friend to all he associates with and includes everyone. Steve has always chosen to do the right thing under any circumstance. If only there were more guys out there like him, the world would definitely be a better place! He is by far the best example to me, more than I could ever be for him. I am so grateful to have him in my family, and would give my own life for his because I know he could do far more better things for this world than I could ever dream to accomplish. I love you Steve!

(The last picture is right before he left, hence my makeup was still in tact...I won't mention what I looked like after :) )

Latest Drawing...Down-time at work :)

It had been a while since I had done any kind of artwork. I'm a bit rusty as you can tell and it's not the best, but I decided I needed pictures on my blog seeing how nothing but text gets old. The picture quality isn't the best, but you get the idea.

Different lighting changes the whole look of it, eh?

I'm not going to draw something with a lot of hair in a LONG time after doing this!

CLARIFICATION

After my last post a few of my friends asked if I was ok and to cheer up. Apparently my post sounded like I was depressed and at the brink of suicide. Rest assured that I am not going to kill myself. As my high school AP English teacher, Nona, would say: "Misread!" And that is what some of my friends have done. I didn't mean my life is horrible and I don't want to remember anything about it, I was just simply stating that there are things in my past that I would choose to forget if given the option. That's it. So are we all clear that I am ok? Good. Next subject...

Since I have started my job as a traveling tech, I have grown to truly be grateful for my health. 99% of our patients have some sort of cancer, and for the most part are in bad shape. Working in this field has also taught me about having a positive attitude. There is a wide spectrum of attitudes from the patients, and it is amazing to see how different each patient is as well as how they handle their trial. There have been many ornery and cranky patients that can't see anything good in life. No matter how hard I try to make them comfortable and try to give them a positive experience, they are never satisfied. It's almost like they feel they have the right to be rude to me because of their circumstances. Then on the opposite end, there are patients that have been humbled by their experiences and couldn't be nicer. For crying out loud, sometimes they apologize to me for either having bad veins, not being able to walk on their own, or not being able to put their arms above their head for the scan because of a previous Lumpectomy...like they can control any of that- yet they still apologize! They are so gracious and even thank me for handing them another cup of nasty contrast to drink. These are the patients that humble me.

I am so grateful for my job. I am able to meet incredible people and form bonds in the two hours of being with them. I don't know what it is about me, but it is almost like I have stamped on my head, "tell me all your problems please." This has gone on since High School. I don't mind it at all because I sincerely love listening to people, and if it helps them to get things off their chest, then by all means- talk away! I have found this to be the case in this job. Patients really open up to me and share very personal things, and I really enjoy learning about them. It is rewarding and worth it at the end when the patient gives you a big smile and thanks as they stretch out their arms for a hug. Seriously, can my job get any better??

I have been blessed with great health, and I think a lot of us have been. I just hope I never take it for granted again. Just the simple task of walking up 5 steps, breathing without an oxygen tank, or eating without a feeding tube are feats that some of these patients will not have the priviledge of doing again. What we consider easy, they consider impossible.

Sorry this was kind of a more serious post, but I really needed to express how fortunate I am, and I hope as long as I am healthy that I will never forget to be a helping hand.

Something To Think About

A girl from my ward shared quite a touching story of a young man from China who struggled with a brain tumor. When he finally had surgery to remove the tumor he lost 7 years of his life, thinking he was 19 years old again. Can you imagine?! That would be so crazy if I woke up from surgery thinking I was 18 years old (how old am I? You do the math). But this story got me really thinking, so I am going to pose this question: If you had the chance to erase certain memories from your life, would you? If you want to know my answer, read on...

...I know most people's answer to this would be something along the lines of, "I would want to keep all of my memories- good or bad, because it was a 'learning experience'." Well, this is where I differ from most people. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate learning experiences, but it doesn't mean I necessarily would want to keep every memory that I have. So the short answer for me would be YES, I would have some of my memories erased. Not as extreme as the young man's 7 years, but I wish I could forget different moments of my life. Now that you know the short answer, let me explain a little as to WHY I would choose to forget.

How many times do you need to see the disappointment in someones eyes because of something you did, or in some cases didn't do? Well I know I've done my fair share of disappointing, and I feel like those memories sometimes drag me down because I beat myself up so much about them. I realize people are harder on themselves, but it doesn't change the fact that I still find myself at times dwelling on my mistakes and almost hating myself for it.

Also, as fun as dating is (if only you could sense how much sarcasm is oozing from my fingertips with that comment), the breakups that go along with them become draining at times. I realize you have to date to find what you like and don't like, but I guess the getting dumped phase is for humbling..? Maybe that is a necessary process I should want to remember, but the lack of self-esteem with each one becomes greater and greater with each experience (at least for me anyway). There will always be that prettier, funnier, talented girl the guy finds that suits them better. In my head I begin thinking, "so what's the point? I'm never going to be good enough anyway." Let's just say if I could lose some of my memory I would be a more confident person. I can't blame my lack of confidence/low self esteem all on dating because I've been one to struggle with this for as long as I can remember (mostly since 6th grade- oh the awkward stages begin so young). Don't get me wrong- I'm not some weasley girl that can't handle her own, but I sure do have to put a heck of a huge front up to people at times so they think otherwise.

Maybe my problem is I remember more detail then others. I'm not bragging, but there have been so many occasions where I mention a memory to a friend and they don't have any recollection of the event or inside joke. For example, I can tell you the outfit my boyfriend/date and I were wearing, what was playing on the radio, what we were talking about in the car, at the restaurant, etc. on the night of our first kiss (and many other dates). I could go into detail about many of those dates and if you were to ask that person any of those details they would probably stare at you and say, "Oh, Heidi? I think I remember her." This may be a bit dramatized, but I hope I'm getting my point across. I've thought many times how much easier it would be if I didn't remember such minute detail. For crying out loud there isn't a song on the radio that doesn't remind me of some person or event in my life, who else thinks like that??

Well how 'bout them tangents?! Sorry about that. I hope I don't sound like some completely egotistical, mopey, depressed, freak-show after that. I'm really not! I have been so blessed in my life and have been so fortunate in my circumstances I have no room to complain (yet I still have times where I'm cursing the heavens with my ungrateful, bratty attitude- yeah I need to work on that). But in all honesty, my blessings far outweigh what I truly deserve. I swear my next post will be all positive. I even have a story that will back up why I am so blessed! Anyway, hopefully I gave you something to think about.

Why Do I Do This?

So it is past midnight (as usual) and I am so tired. I didn't get much sleep this weekend, yet I find myself still up. Why? I guess you can say my sister, Kristin, has helped make it tradition to stick a movie in when everyone else decides to go to bed. Guess whose the sucker that actually stays up for them? ME. She is completely asleep within 5-7 minutes, without fail. If you were wondering, YES I have timed it. In fact I just looked over after putting the movie in and she's fast asleep at 6 min 48 seconds (and who knows, it could have been sooner). Anyway, I haven't been able to sleep much these past few months so I figure I might as well have the fake characters on the screen keep me company.

Now that it is quiet and I'm the only one awake, I have all this time to write my thoughts. The frustrating thing is I don't know where to begin. The reason I started this blog is because my mind has been racing with so many thoughts this past while (maybe that's why I can't sleep...) I thought I should jot them down; however, now that I have the chance my mind is completely blank.

Let's talk food for a second, since that's pretty much my favorite! I learned out to make and dip chocolates at my grandma's today. She has been doing them for years and I decided it was finally time for me to learn myself. They turned out well, and tasted great. I can't wait to try and do a batch on my own. If I ever get a reader (you must be bored) that wants the recipes, let me know and I'll hook you up with the instructions to a little bite of heaven!

Well I'm craving myself some banana bread and chips and salsa right now (I know, disgusting right? Nothing like a snack/meal at 12:30am), so I'm thinking this is all for now. Bring on the midnight munchin'.

My Introductions...Drum Roll Please

Well Hello,

I've decided to start a blog for the simple reason that I'm horrible at keeping up in my journal. I only seem to write once or twice a year when something exciting or worth writing about comes along. Writing takes too long, but my computer is my constant companion and is more efficient so it only makes sense. This way I might be motivated to write (or type) more often. My friend told me you can turn these blog posts into books (thanks Erin!) so that's what I am planning on doing, so consider this my experimental Journal. Sorry, don't get too excited- I'm not going to get into intimate detail on my OH SO exciting life, but hopefully I am somewhat entertaining along the way.

Let's get down to the "neaty greaty" ('Nacho Libre' anyone?). A brief recap of what I've been up to the past few years since I graduated High School goes as follows: I graduated from BYU, Provo in School Health Education (Secondary Ed.) as I simultaneously went to hair school at Dallas Roberts Academy. I then became a traitor to BYU by furthering my education at the U of U, where I studied Nuclear Medicine Technology. Which leads me to where I am today. I am currently working as a Traveling Nuc Med Tech, strictly doing PET/CT scans. Feel free to ask me what that means (and no, it has nothing to do with animals- I've been asked). Since I'm a traveling Tech, I travel from Amercian Fork to Logan depending on the day. I still do hair on the side, as well as substitute teach to keep my teaching license up. I love the diversity which makes it easy to continue loving what I do.

That's about enough of me for one night. I hope I didn't lose ya there on all that mumbo-jumbo talk about my job. I'll try to make my next post a bit more exciting.